Adoption is a beautiful and selfless act, providing stability and opportunity for children while offering birth mothers a solution to challenging circumstances like an unplanned pregnancy. Yet, despite the loving nature of this decision, a stigma surrounding adoption still exists in many communities. Misunderstandings and outdated beliefs often cast a shadow over what is, at its core, an act of love. We are here to start breaking the stigma surrounding adoption!

In this blog, Tapestry Adoption explores the stigma surrounding adoption, how it affects both birth mothers and adoptive families, and what we can do to change the narrative. Whether you’re considering adoption for your baby or simply want to understand more about the adoption process, this article will shed light on the truth behind adoption and help you feel empowered in your choices.

Understanding the Adoption Stigma

Despite the growth of positive conversations around adoption, many misconceptions and judgments persist. Some of these stigmas stem from societal beliefs about motherhood, family structures, and a lack of understanding about what it means to place a child for adoption. The result is that women facing an unplanned pregnancy may feel shame or judgment for choosing adoption, despite it being a deeply thoughtful and loving decision.

Here are some common myths and stigmas surrounding adoption:

1. Adoption Is “Giving Up” Your Baby

One of the most hurtful phrases birth mothers often hear is that they are “giving up” their baby. This language is misleading and harmful. Choosing adoption is far from “giving up”— it is making a carefully considered decision to provide your child with the best possible future. It’s about choosing a path of stability, love, and care when you may not be in a position to provide those things yourself.

When birth mothers create an adoption plan, they are actively taking steps to ensure their child’s well-being. Many even choose the adoptive family, review their backgrounds, and decide on the level of contact they wish to maintain, whether through open adoption or semi-open arrangements. There is nothing passive about this process.

2. Birth Mothers Regret Their Decision

Another common stigma is the belief that birth mothers universally regret their decision to place a baby for adoption. While feelings of grief and loss are natural, regret is not a given. Many birth mothers find peace and healing in knowing that they made the best choice for their child’s future.

In fact, with the rise of open adoption, many birth mothers continue to have a relationship with their child and the adoptive family, allowing them to witness firsthand the life they helped shape. Seeing their child thrive in a stable, loving home can provide closure and affirmation that they made the right decision.

3. Adoption Is a Last Resort

Some people mistakenly believe that adoption is only considered when no other options are available. In reality, many birth mothers choose adoption because it aligns with their values, life goals, or vision for their child’s future. Adoption is not a decision made out of desperation, but rather out of love and the desire to give the child the best opportunities possible.

Some birth mothers may be working toward educational goals, pursuing career opportunities, or managing financial instability. In these cases, placing a baby for adoption can provide both the mother and child with a better chance to thrive. Breaking this stigma helps shift the focus from judgment to respect for birth mothers’ thoughtful decision-making.

How Stigma Affects Birth Mothers

For birth mothers, the stigma surrounding adoption can create feelings of shame, isolation, or fear of judgment. This can lead women to keep their adoption plan a secret or avoid discussing it openly. The fear of being misunderstood or criticized can weigh heavily, especially when faced with an already emotionally complex decision.

1. Fear of Judgment

Many women feel judged for considering adoption, as if they are failing as mothers for not choosing to parent. Society often idealizes motherhood, placing unrealistic expectations on women to “figure it out” regardless of their situation. This unfair pressure overlooks the fact that many women are choosing adoption out of love and a desire to provide their child with stability and opportunities they may not be able to offer at that moment.

2. Isolation and Loneliness

The stigma can also lead to isolation. Women may be hesitant to share their adoption decision with friends, family, or even support networks, fearing that others won’t understand. Unfortunately, this can prevent birth mothers from seeking the emotional support they need during and after the adoption process.

It’s essential for women considering adoption to know that they are not alone. Adoption agencies offer support, and connecting with other birth mothers who have gone through similar experiences can bring a sense of community and understanding.

How Stigma Affects Adoptive Families

The stigma surrounding adoption doesn’t only affect birth mothers. Adoptive families, too, can face judgment or misunderstandings about their choice to adopt. Outdated beliefs about what a “real” family looks like or misconceptions about the bond between adoptive parents and children can create unnecessary challenges.

1. Questioning the Parent-Child Bond

One damaging stigma is the idea that an adoptive family isn’t as “real” as a biological one. This belief can lead to intrusive or hurtful questions directed at adoptive families, such as, “Do you think you’ll love your adopted child as much as a biological one?” These kinds of statements fail to recognize the deep love and commitment that adoptive parents have for their children.

Adoptive families, like all families, are built on love, trust, and care. Whether through biology or adoption, family bonds are not defined by genetics but by the relationships and love that grow over time.

2. Assumptions About the Child’s Background

Another misconception is that adopted children come from unstable or problematic backgrounds, leading some people to question their ability to thrive or integrate into their adoptive family. The truth is that every adoption story is unique. Adoptive children can and do flourish in supportive, loving environments, just like any other child.

This stigma can also extend to open adoption, where some people assume that ongoing contact between the birth mother and child will be confusing or harmful to the child. In reality, open adoptionoffers a wealth of benefits, including giving children a deeper understanding of their identity and a stronger sense of connection with both their adoptive and birth families.

Breaking the Stigma around Adoption: Shifting the Narrative

Changing the conversation around adoption is essential for birth mothers, adoptive families, and society as a whole. By shifting away from judgment and focusing on the love and thoughtfulness behind adoption, we can break down the harmful stigma that often surrounds this loving choice.

1. Changing Language

One of the most effective ways to combat stigma is by changing how we talk about adoption. Instead of saying a birth mother is “giving up” her child, we can say she is “placing her baby for adoption” or “making an adoption plan.” This shift in language emphasizes the intentional, loving choice that birth mothers are making rather than implying abandonment or failure.

2. Sharing Positive Adoption Stories

Hearing real-life adoption stories can have a powerful impact on breaking down stigma. Whether it’s birth mothers, adoptive parents, or adoptees sharing their experiences, these stories offer a glimpse into the love, care, and commitment that define adoption.

By sharing positive experiences, we can help others understand that adoption is not something to be ashamed of, but rather a compassionate and empowering decision.

3. Normalizing Adoption in Society

As more people embrace adoption as a natural and positive option, it will become normalized in society. Highlighting adoption as one of many loving ways to build a family helps dispel the myth that adoption is a second-choice or last-resort option.

When we see adoption in movies, books, or TV shows, it’s important that these stories are told in an accurate and positive light. By normalizing adoption in mainstream media, we help shift societal perceptions and create a more supportive environment for everyone involved in the process.

Embracing the Truth About Adoption

Breaking the stigma surrounding adoption requires understanding, empathy, and a shift in perspective. Adoption is not about giving up; it’s about choosing love, stability, and a brighter future for a child. For birth mothers, adoption is an incredibly brave and thoughtful decision. For adoptive families, it’s a beautiful way to build a family full of love.

Whether you’re considering adoption or simply learning more, understanding the truth about adoption helps us all move closer to a world where this option is respected, supported, and celebrated. If you’re exploring adoption in Indiana or anywhere else, know that choosing adoption is an act of love — one that should be free from judgment and filled with support. Tapestry Adoption is ready to provide the support you deserve!